My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
