Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
