His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
