I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Congratulations! We have a period
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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