Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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