i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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