If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
