Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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