the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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