Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
