Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
