i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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