When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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