I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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