Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
