i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
