Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
