how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
