So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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