she was so not down for the gang bang
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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