I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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