This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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