Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
