I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
