i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
