i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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