he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
