He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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