i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
