Non-Jews are for practice
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
