Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
