____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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