Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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