i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
