i don't like sucking hair
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
