I'm so fucking centered right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was confusing and full of hummus
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
