I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
3 2 1 whiskey
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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