Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
