just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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