this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
