Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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