dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
