I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
