To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize