God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
