I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
