I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
