This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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