Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
