Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
