so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
