I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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