You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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