I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
