The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
