how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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