I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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