im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
