i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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