If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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