i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
