Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
