finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
