Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
