i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
