I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
