Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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