i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
